"It was a dark and stormy night", so begins the first paragraph or rather the sentence that identifies this yearly contest of really bad writing known as the Bulwer-Lytton contest, hosted each year by the San Jose State University Department of English. It is the brainchild of Professor Scott Rice. Examples of entries can be found at the official website, http://www.bulwer-lytton.com. A visit is well worth your idle time and a great source of amusement, nay even possibly an inspiration to lower to the depth of your worst writing efforts. It certainly has done that for me. The deadline is April 15th.
Yesterday I polished up six of my worst gems and sped them on their way.
Here's a sampling: "But I'm NOT a 2-dimensional person," insisted Sylvia as she tossed down the last shot of vodka and glared at her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, continuing "I have lots of interests," she added flatly; a little too flatly, she thought as her mouth became difficult to work, her features begin to cave in, her dress loosen and her hair crinkle and she felt herself suddenly lifted up, swung horizontally under his arm and carried from the bar to her apartment where he ever-so-carefully slid her under the door.